Not Here

 Hello, I'm Irene Delca McRay. My painting, "Not Here", is from a series that honors my mother's imaginal journey into her Alzheimer's world and respects the reversal of trust from me and her to her and me.  Even with a lifetime of experiencing the strength of my mother's character, it's her end years that impress me the most.

Her eccentricities and unique perceptions become visible in the complex profundities of her wizened flesh. I mean this work to encourage visibility of our elders and oppose a general cultural attitude of indifference to our vulnerable old ones, which, among many other injustices, was brought to bright light during the COVID pandemic.

To think that elders are insignificant in this world consumed with youthfulness and productivity is unjust and offensive, as longevity is its own state of being. Holding meaning and discovery in layers of lasting.  Our old ones also stand witness to the past, lengthening our lives backwards to discover where and who we came from. 

I paint and draw my mother from memory, imagination, and photos taken through windows during lockdown. In this painting, I told her through the window on our phones that I was going to paint her, so could she put her hands up by her face?  Staying true to her own brand of humor, she put her phone down, covered her face with her hands, and said, I'm not here.